christmastime

one of my favorite parts as a kid

One of our family traditions when I was little was for my Grandma to take the girls in the family to the Nutcracker Suite. I always looked forward to sitting down in our seats, with our big beautiful programs in our hands, and watching the ballerinas spin and dance on stage. It warms my heart and a feeling of comfort washes over me when I think about sitting next to some of my favorite people, and watching this beautiful ballet that has come to mean so much to me.

Last night I was cuddling with Kaiya on the couch before putting her to bed, and I turned on PBS. All I saw was Clara, the main character being pulled across the stage on her bed when I knew what we were watching. Kaiya sat and watched it with me. Right next to me, and we cuddled together. Then she stood up, pulled on my hand and said "let's dance mom". So we played and danced to the nutcracker, while she giggled and rolled on the floor and I got to share my special memories with her.

It was one of many moments when you realize that your family is so sweet and special to you. The things that mean the most to me are the times we spend together. The time I get to spend with each of my family members now, and the time I spent with my family then. I can't remember the presents I got for Christmas when I was young, but I can remember the joyous feelings of comfort and love being with those that are important to me and knowing they loved me too.

Our family has changed now, and I miss those that are gone. But different can be good too. I'm happy that I have my new little family to add to the list of those I love. But while I was driving my car and listening to Christmas music, I longed for the days of my childhood when we were all together at Christmas. Papa and Grandma, Gran-Gran and Leon, my parents and bothers and my uncles and aunts and cousins. I longed just for a little bit, to be back to those special days.

I realize though, that even though we have grown and changed, I still have those memories that make this holiday time so much more special to me. These memories and experiences in part define who I am, and they are so important to me. Now it is my turn to help make special, heart warming, memories for Kaiya and there is nothing I want to do more.

I miss my family, but I am grateful for all the loving memories I have of Christmas and being with them. Thats what makes this time so wonderful to me.