Last Thursday (on my birthday) when I was in the teacher's lounge making copies I had an "aha moment" as Oprah calls it. I was thumbing through a book of bulletin board pictures and cute decorations that you would color and put up around the room, when all of the sudden, for the first time ( might I add) I REALLY wanted to be a teacher with my own classroom.
It hit me like a ton of bricks and I was ready to go get my own classroom right then! It felt so good to finally, after years of being back and forth about it, have that moment where I knew that I wanted to be a teacher.
It has been hard this week, not because of school--that has been really fun and enjoyable, but because of Kaiya's transition to all day preschool. Luckily we have been able to work her in slowly, Chad is home all day so he picks her up half way through the day.
But the week hasn't gone without tears from both her and I. Like yesterday when I got home from a long day, she wouldn't talk to me AT ALL, she ignored my existence and she acted out towards her friends. That was hard, that was frustrating. I didn't know what to do, so I sat there and cried. Then I put her in the stroller and we went for our run. I ran hard and even though the tears were welling up, I felt better after. So did she. Then she let me talk to her and hold her and love her again and that felt even better.
We're all still working on it, but I know with time she will adjust and I will adjust. I just hope it is not at the expense of her well being. But I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing right now, so everything else will work out.
I just gotta have faith.
7 comments:
man, that's gotta be a girl thing because faith used to have moments like that and it made me so sad. but they still love us and we still love them and life is good again.
and that "aha!" moment is awesome! i used to help my mom decorate her bulletin boards. and prior to their move, she was trying to dump all her teaching "treasures" in me. but i didn't see their value. or i didn't have room for it all. it was hard for her to get rid of the things from her teaching days because she put a lot of time into all of it. you will be a great teacher, melissa!! you go girl!!
Making a decision is hard. Standing by your decision is even harder. Just remember that feeling you felt when you made that choice and why you made it. It will help you a little when you have those bad days. I know that it's hard to go back to work (I've done it.) It doesn't make you a bad mother. It makes the moments that you spend together that much more special. You're going to be a great teacher! Way to go!
that is hard! i think i would have cried too. and aren't runs the best? i love that kaiya likes to go on them with you still and how sweet that she was back to herself after!
good luck with the transition, it will all be alright!
I got really excited when you talked about bulletin boards cuz I love that too and then I cried when I read the rest of your post because I might start working a little next month and I'm excited but I really don't want to be away from my kids for any amount of time but this post made me feel better and anyway I'm just happy for you!
Must be rough. I can't believe she wouldn't talk to you. That would make me feel horrible and cry too. I am glad things are slowly getting better. You are an awesome mom and will make an awesome teacher too!
Melissa this is something every little kid goes through when changes are made to their life. She's a smart kid - just testing you, she will be fine, and so will you. Stick to your plan. You always know what you want and how to get it. Love you much. Gma
i feel the same way right now. I am going back to school this semester, and it feels so great. That is so awesome that you are able to do this.
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